Today was rough.

4/23 Wednesday

What a weird day, woke up with a text from my mother which is never good. “Call me when your up, I have good news and bad news”. I get these a lot, it puts a pit in my stomach but I got out of bed and called her. My uncle has been in and out of the hospital and he was now in a coma. This was inevitable, he has MS, he smokes or did up until 1 year ago.
It started in ernest a year ago when he was admitted in to the hospital, it’s been all downhill from there. Stomach cancer diagnosis, multiple bouts with pneumonia now he has an embolism in his lungs and they have found one in his heart.
I have never really had much of a relationship with my Uncle, however I always had a relationship with my cousin, his daughter. He’s also my mom’s brother. My cousin who is just a couple of years younger is loosing her father. She’s the first of us to really go through this, although I did 13 years ago when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. I remember crying for days,not being able to get a grip. I wasn’t ready. I wonder if that is how she feels now. She didn’t get to have that last conversation with him, she’s all the way in London, there is regret for something that got left undone. Brutal, I wish everyone godspeed.

Food Diary week 1: April 21-27

So, I am going to try and keep this casual.

4/21 Monday was officially day one. I made it and I made the right choices.
Breakfast was a 2 egg scramble with cheddar and 3 slices of bacon, coffee with cream.
Protein drink with 1/4 cup blueberries and 1 cup almond milk
Lunch was pork tenderloin and a green salad.
Dinner was an amazing paleo meatloaf with yams and butter and leftover corn
I had some paleo choco chip cookies for dessert.

4/22 Tuesday
Breakfast was one egg fried in butter, 2 slices bacon, coffee with cream and one BP coffee
mid morning – 1/2 cup cottage cheese
lunch was pork tenderloin and sweet potato with butter
Dinner was Pork Chops with steamed broccoli and butter

Today I made this awesome “Granola”. Pecans, pumpkin seeds, almonds, coconut and buckwheat with honey/maple. Not sure if this is really that good for me but it tasted f’ing delicious. In fact I couldn’t stop eating it. Here’s the recipe for reminiscing later. Doug loved it to and that says a lot, he usually only eats trail mix type concoctions with chocolate.

4/23 Wednesday – Barre3
Breakfast: Smoothy with blueberries, peaches, yogurt, almond milk and vega protein powder and Bulletproof coffee, Granola bits right before Barre3
Lunch: meatloaf, sweet potato with butter
Snack: 1 hard boiled egg, 1 deviled egg with homemade Avocado oil mayo
Dinner: Coconut curry with Chicken, broccoli and Kale

4/24 Thursday
Breakfast: 2 eggs fried in butter, 3 small pork sausage bp coffee
Lunch: Meatloaf w. pat of butter
Snack: snacked on LC granola I made today, small piece of manchego cheese
Dinner: Meatloaf, yam with butter

4/25 Friday
Bullet proof coffee – Barre3 & walk
11:45 – Paleomeal smoothie w/almond milk and blueberries 1/3 cup
2pm – Meatloaf w/ salad and blue cheese dressing
8pm – Went out – salad and veggies, onion rings, smoked lamb and lentil puree

4/26 Saturday- 30 minute walk
9:30 Coffee, Omelet with chorizo, artichoke and feta w/ greens
1:45 Greek yogurt w/ 1/4 cup granola (made with pumpkin,flax,hemp,pecans,hazelnuts,cashews)
7:00 Steak, asparagus, split a yam, had less than 1/2

4/27 Sunday
8:30 LC ricotta pancakes with coconut/almond flour, eggs cooked in butter, coffee w/ cream
2:00 Kielbasa!
5:00 Snack – Paleo granola
8:00 rockfish with lemon butter cream sauce, beets w/ feta, roasted broccolini
9:00 Choco brownie coconut bliss

So why I’m really here

So I am here to begin logging my food, mostly. I’m sure their will be some quips and musings along the way. I just started seeing my naturopath again and were doing a little reboot to my diet and regimen. I love the paleo way of eating, i feel tons better when I follow some simple rules. No sugar, no grains, and no dairy. Dairy is a tough one for me which I am cutting way back on but I have a hard time when it comes to yogurt and cottage cheese and it doesn’t seem to effect me right now, we shall see.
Like usual, I am always searching for that magic bullet, the thing that will fix what I consider my biggest roadblock, weight loss. I started doing some research after the holidays into weightloss. I came across a tedtalks with Dr. Attia that was so inspiring it brought me to tears. To sum it up he talked about insulin resistance and his realization that this disease is not a fault of the person but of their genetic makeup and the medical community has it all wrong. You can watch the whole thing here
I had felt for sometime that my insulin resistance was becoming a greater battle as I got older, the more my weight fluctuated the more it would get worse. I don’t know if that is true but that was my mindset. And then theirs Dr. Attia with his Kojak good looks talking about he, as dr. had it wrong even when it came to his own health. He too battles insulin resistance and he changed his life by going keto!
Ketogenesis, I knew about this! I was so excited because it was basically the Atkins diet, the one diet I had lost the most weight on in my early 20’s. Back then it was a miracle but my peers thought it was unhealthy and unrealistic. One more thing to be ashamed of. I gave it up, i had lost weight, it was too hard, I got cocky and gained it all back.
Since then it’s been a merry go round of high protein/low carb dieting mixed with weight watchers and some vegetarianism and a lot of self loathing. Thank god for my dear husband Doug, who has loved my unconditionally through all of this.

Who am I and what am I doing here?

Great question. My name is Beth and I have started this blog in order to track my journey to better health.
I have PCOS, have been diagnosed since I was 16. Getting that diagnoses when I was 16 didn’t really mean much to me. This was the 80’s and the only course of action was to stick me on birth control pills to regulate my cycle. I thought that was pretty cool because it made me feel so grown up to be taking the pill.
I have struggled with my weight since I was a wee one. I didn’t come from a family with good genes or good habits either. I struggled and worked hard to loose weight only to gain it back later down the road. That has been my life, up and down the weight loss roller coaster since I was 7. It has defined a segment of who I am. Always reading and obsessing on the next breakthrough that would be my golden ticket.
I’m a bit tired from trying so hard and wish I didn’t feel like I had to try so hard. Maybe that is more of a psychological battle, a battle of wills. This feeling can’t be to far off than what an addict might feel like. A continued repetition of behavior despite adverse consequences. This sounds like my mother and do not want to be like her. If I could just remember that and use it as a mantra maybe it would help but like my mother, food has a very familiar and comforting effect on my despite the adverse consequences.